Courtney's Cauldron

It’s probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you’re talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something.

I am at two with nature.

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Life would be perfect if:

Some girls had mute buttons, some guys had edit buttons, bad times had fast forward buttons, and good times had pause buttons.

I have learned that pleasing everyone is hard, but ticking everyone off is a piece of cake!

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

I’m not random, I just think faster than the rest of you.

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.

You will meet a short, dark stranger.

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

It’s not the having, it’s the getting.