Courtney's Cauldron

When Solomon said that there was a time and a place for everything he had not encountered the problem of parking an automobile.

Peekaboo!

I cannot help you, for I am just a cookie.

Your lucky number this week is seven.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Humor is reason gone mad.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.

Life isn’t divided into genres. It’s a horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest.

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.