[NOTE: I will NOT have the results for a while] This is really “part 2” of my thyroid ultrasound experience however, in a manner that seems to follow me around, the remainder of my experience was something from a comedy TV series! It’s LONG… but it’s funny!
I felt compelled to separate my experience with the other women, it was something I will not soon forget. [http://blog.scottsontherocks.com/blog/2011/09/19/sobering-moment/] Although it’s not necessary, some of my comments in this post might make more sense if you read the other one first.
Immediately following my comment about being at the facility for a thyroid ultrasound instead of a mammogram, the doors behind me swung open and a staff member stepped out to call someone’s name. BUT… behind her, other women were whispering hurriedly and poking their heads around the corner and ALL were looking at ME?!?!
Someone from my group asked if I had “done something?” I said, “apparently there is a wanted poster with my picture on the other side of the door.” The German woman laughed out loud! The other women asked if I had cancer and I explained that I’d had surgery several years ago to remove my thyroid and they had discovered the cancer later but that it had all been removed at that time. This was supposed to be a follow-up ultrasound to confirm some blood tests but that nothing was expected.
Again, the door opened and several women in the back began whispering excitedly and pointing at me?!?! So now everyone around me is trying to help me figure out what is going on. Am I there for something special? I said “OK, you got me… the follow-up today is actually to determine if they need to saw off my head again and rearrange the stuffing.” The German woman laughed so loud and so long that it made all of us get the giggles laughing at her! I really had NO IDEA why everyone on the staff had taken an intense interest in me?!?! I promised to let them know if anyone was still around when I came back through…. [NOTE: I never did see any of those women again]
Shortly after, my name was called and as I was being led down a maze of hallways, an ultrasound technician approached me and explained
“We had a new ultrasound machine installed this morning and you will be the first patient. It also has an entirely upgraded software system so, with your permission, we will have another technician in the room to assist with programming any of the buttons or to explain to me [the ultrasound tech] how I will do something specific on the new system as compared to the old system. [so I’m thinking… OH… that explains it…. NEW TOY! until she says…] HOWEVER, in reviewing your previous ultrasound records the doctor and software technician discovered that you have [blah, blah, blah… blah blah… blah blah blah blah] which will allow us to use specific features of the software that would not necessarily be used in a routine ultrasound. And I can see from the look on your face that you have no idea what I am talking about?
Basically, in layman’s terms, I have some anatomical differences that when combined with the gap from NOT having a thyroid, will allow them to see tissue membranes and “open spaces” that most people with thyroids will not have… WELL DUH! 😉
So they set me up on the table where I have to lay flat, except my head is angled BACK, and it’s even more interesting when they say “hold your chin up” because what they really mean is LEAN YOUR HEAD FARTHER BACK! It’s not possible to really talk during an ultrasound of your neck. Do you know me?!?!? OK… so they’ve shown me “new hardware”… told me about “new software” and the software technician is giggling! DUDE… I HAVE TO TALK! So I raised my hand and told her she had to move the monitor so that I can see what they are talking about. I have had a LOT of ultrasounds (you know me right? and I have also had 4 kids… so a LOT more ultrasounds)… I want to watch and see what the big deal is all about! She had done the right side of my neck and now I was watching her on the left side of my neck… well, actually she’s hanging out in the middle of my neck for now and I’m about to throw up on her [please remember that I am pretty much upside down, and I’m trying to read upside down and sideways, and she is PRESSING on my adam’s apple!] So raised my hand, had to sit up… LIKE RIGHT NOW! Whew… crisis averted. So now I am back and we are still looking at the black hole in the middle of my neck where my thyroid is not. HOWEVER, she has a perplexed look on her face and the software tech shrugs and says “I don’t know either.” She continues on with the left side of my neck. During this time, people kept opening the door and were told, “not now, later.” OK?! What do I know, I can’t really ask, I’m upside down.
Just so you know, this is all practice anyway because I get special treatment. Because of my cancer status and who knows what else, the ultrasound tech cannot sign off on my ultrasound… it always has to be RE-PERFORMED by a doctor (always has before too). So now, the ultrasound tech speaks up, says that they are going to send these pictures out to the doctor but as before, she’d be in later to redo the ultrasound. …. waiting…. waiting…
The doctor comes in and there is a small gaggle of giggling women just outside the door. She explains to me that some are ultrasound techs, others software techs who have never seen the machine/software in action and another doctor and would I be willing to allow them to watch? “Well, it’s not like I’m naked! so why not…” Someone in the group said “OH wow… this is going to be FUN!” that’s when the doctor turned around and explained to the first software tech that I am actually a computer geek and could she keep me occupied by explaining why everyone was so excited. Doc has a good memory (or keeps excellent notes on her patients!).
As you can imagine, it was not quite chaos but it was “busy” in the room. The software tech is explaining to me everything the doctor is doing and seeing. You should have heard all the clatter when they switched to color! (ok, I was impressed too!) Apparently, I have lymph nodes in the wrong place (or maybe it’s the wrong order?) and they knew this from previous ultrasounds BUT NOW… they can see details… and this excited them. Somewhere in there, the doctor came across the same “gap” where my thyroid is not and then asked me “do you know if you’ve had your [insert extremely long and complicated medical term here] removed?” And I have absolutely no idea and it’s difficult to have a blank expression on your face when you are upside down in front of an audience 😉 So they pulled up the surgical notes but there is no mention of removal but there is a “notation.” [She promised to find out and put it in her report so I would know] So then she is on a mission to find scar tissue and I have to tell you this new ultrasound is EXTREMELY sensitive… you can see EACH layer of skin! No scar tissue was found so it was determined that I must not have ever had “this.” But I raised my hand and commented that
“I’m pretty sure you just provided the proof my sister needs to state that ya’ll sawed off my head and forgot to put all the stuffing back in when you glued it back on!”
At this point I really think the professionalism the doctor was trying to maintain… went right out the window ;-P There was a comment made that what I really have is “a trifecta of anatomical anomalies that demonstrate the detail of the scanner…”
Needless to say, this took a heck of a lot longer than any normal ultrasound… or even any TWO normal ultrasounds. I’d had my head tilted back for about an hour and a half… now my muscles are twitching and starting to cramp. So despite everyone’s attempt to keep the party going, we had to finish up.
I have no idea who any of those other women are but I’m pretty sure that I am their new mascot… “the guinea pig for the new ultrasound machine.” My name is probably emblazoned in their memories… or not 😉 It was still a pretty funny morning.
I’ll let you know when I get the results.