Courtney and I witnessed a head-on collision this morning. I think this was the first time Courtney has ever actually called 911 and I’m sure it’s an experience she will probably never forget. I’m not intending to relate details of the crash really, that’s not my desire, I feel the need to express “the rest of the story”… the part of me that was left behind in my own car, with my own child, who I knew was also extremely concerned and anxious. The part of me that was going “what if….” What if they had been going any faster? What if I hadn’t been stopped so far away from any other car that their presence was negligible to this story now? What if I hadn’t seen it coming from behind and punched the gas, moving my own vehicle away?
As I pulled up and over away from the accident, I was thinking that I needed to calmly tell Courtney, to call 911 while I checked on the people in the cars. I had seen the entire incident unfold in “a slow motion movie picture” in my rear view. She had only seen the actual collision. Only…, like that makes it matter less? She HAD seen the accident! My hands were shaking and I felt panicked but I hoped I was able to keep calm for her (and the victims I knew… I just knew… were in the other cars). What would I find when I got to those cars? I know Courtney was as freaked out as I was! As I was crossing the icy road to the accident, I’m thinking… I have just left my own child alone in a vehicle, in a vulnerable location, and I just had to trust that any oncoming cars over the hill would see the accident across all the lanes of traffic and not hit all of us. This continued to be on my thoughts as the snow was pouring from the sky making any visibility near impossible! I had the fleeting thoughts that at least I knew Courtney was somewhat protected as she was in our Suburban and the other vehicles were also SUV’s and hopefully could be seen from a bit farther away.
As I approached the first driver I can see it’s a teenage girl and she looks just like Courtney, a tiny, petite blond and she is hysterical. Again, I hoped to remain calm but in my mind I am thinking if I were her parents and came upon this scene… I WOULD BE FREAKING OUT. AND… I AM FREAKING OUT! My first instinct was to open the doors and embrace her and thank God that she appears fine. However, that little voice in the back of my mind made me keep her as still as possible because she was grasping her neck with both hands and had abrasions from both the seat belt and airbag. Besides…, the driver door wouldn’t open all the way… maybe that was the moment I needed, the “pause” from the door to shake me to reality, made me walk around the car and kept me from jostling her too much. We got her unbuckled and found her phone in her backpack and she called her dad. I recognized her… but I couldn’t place her… and I can’t think about that right now, even though now it’s that seed in your mind… you know, the one… the one that’ll keep you up all night wondering “how do I know this girl?” I had to push that aside… kinda. I had to do something extremely difficult, I had to leave this girl alone now… and walk to the other car, the one who didn’t see it all coming and had no idea she was about to be in an accident. I wasn’t sure what I would find.
I couldn’t get the driver’s door open… and more importantly, I couldn’t find the driver?!?!? I know she didn’t come out this door. AND NOW… now is that moment when your heart stops for that fleeting second. If the driver is not in the seat… my brain starts telling me to brace myself, the driver has been thrown from the car. It’s a blizzard out here…. but wait… the windshield is intact?!?! I can see her now, she’s on the passenger side. But still, all those “what if’s…..” What if the airbags (all of them and their wondrous glory!!!) had not deployed?!?! The other driver was not wearing a seat belt but the airbags kept her from going through the windshield. She was all the way over against the passenger door with her legs back across the console. She claimed to be able to move and wanted to get out but we wouldn’t let her (by now, others have stopped to help too). The car was smoking and the engine was still running, so one of the men reached in and finagled the steering column and was able to turn the key off, stopping the engine. While I know she sustained more injuries than the young girl, she appeared to be conscious and alert, with no visible critical or severe injuries. And then again, the what if’s… what if this had been a bloody scene? Would we all have been this apparently calm? I know I might appear calm, but it’s an illusion and I am positive the others feel the same, it’s in their eyes. I allowed others on the scene to stay with this victim and went back to the girl.
The girl now realizes the enormity of it all, and the weight of the world is on her shoulders. She is panicked that someone in the other car is injured. And she starts rattling off a hundred different “what if’s…” I assured her that although no one was driving these cars again, that this is not going down as the worst accident in history. It’s a bad accident, but yes… it could have been a LOT worse. She wasn’t speeding, she wasn’t texting (phone was in backpack)… the weather was just unbelievably bad and the roads showed it. I had seen a plow come through here less than 15 minutes beforehand… right where I am standing, in this thick glob of icy snow-packed muck!
We called her mom. What if this were the other way around? How do you have “THIS” conversation with someone? Do cops & paramedics get training for this phone call… and if not… THEY SHOULD! “Ma’am… I’m with your daughter…” It was that second that I realized that although she was not seriously injured, this girl was going to the hospital… alone, with a cloud of self-blame hanging over her… ALONE. Not alone, I’m going with her. And now I’ve said that out loud. I assured her mother that I was going with her to the hospital and I’m not sure who felt better about that, me or her… but it felt like the right thing to do.
I realize now how cold everyone is… the vehicles are off. I went back to my car and got a blanket and checked on the older woman. The others had her warm and comfortable as possible so I wrapped the girl in the blanket. My hands were too cold and shivering to touch her and I suspected if I did, it would not be a comfort as intended.
I stopped and I looked up around me and I realized at some point that several others had taken the scene under their wings. One was directing traffic like he was a pro. Others had positioned their own vehicles a safe distance from mine and the accident and were forcing the flow of traffic away. I could see Courtney… I could see she was safe and that others were helping to keep her that way.
The paramedics finally arrived and got to work. Again, no SERIOUS injuries but enough to warrant trips to the hospital. The girl’s dad arrived… and the other woman’s husband. And the rest of us were relieved of duty… just like that. We are free to go the officers say.
Are we? Are we free to go? Yes, I have left the scene of the accident and gone about the rest of my day… but my heart and mind do not feel free. They are with everyone at that accident scene. Not just the victims, but the volunteers and the family on the other end of the phone when we told them what had happened. Today, I acquired many kindred spirits… I don’t know all of their names, but I’ll never forget them.
[NOTE: I know you’re going to ask… I finally realized the girl played tennis with Courtney last year. The paramedics assured us that none of the injuries were too serious. If I find out more, I’ll make an update.]
[NOTE: Well, it’s a small world. Since I had never allowed the girl to turn her head to look at me she never had a chance to realize she knew me, not just from tennis. We also know her mother but since I was talking so fast and probably with a thick accent on the phone, her mother didn’t recognize my name. We were able to talk later and the girl is fine, they had thought maybe her collar bone was broken (so good thing I didn’t move her) but she was just severely bruised and everyone involved was treated and released!]