There’s a LONG version and SHORT version. Short version: Our cat sniffed catnip and he’s NOT sitting in a pet bed.
I always tell people that a “story” is NOT about lying, it’s about telling the truth, THE WHOLE TRUTH; it’s all in the adjectives! (and/or adverbs 🙂 ). [Another thing I say all the time: “I don’t make this stuff up… I promise, it FINDS me!”] AND, every story needs a beginning, a middle and an ending that wraps it all together! [ Have YOU ever heard my “cat story?” Trust me, you know if you have. THIS IS NOT IT. ]
Long version (cat commentary provided by ME, but trust me…):
I had the brilliant idea to order a newspaper and clip coupons (hand/eye coordination, can I read?, and the whole saving money bit). I thought this through, and turned on the fireplace, dragged the recliner & footstool over, got a grocery bag for the trash, made myself a mug of tea which I set on the fireplace tile, near the WALL. I left the lid off because it was too hot to drink… but I did put it next to the wall, just in case cutting coupons is more treacherous than I imagined. I was set until the cats (Peanut and Nightwing) decided to come and SIT on my newspaper?!?! And then they took turns sitting on the plastic grocery sack. It’s very hard to accomplish cutting coupons from a paper that has a cat sitting on it. Nightwing was obsessed with the newspapers and was grabbing them and sniffing them so much that I commented “It’s almost like they have used catnip ink to write the papers!” [Yes, I said this out loud. It’d be easiest, if you just imagined most of this “story” taking place out loud, because I talk to all animals, as if they are human!]
I would pick up whichever cat and plop him in the pet beds we bought especially for pets! [“these are pet beds, SEE… paws!”] After they had trained me to do this multiple times, I decided a different approach was needed. They needed a reason to stay in the pet beds and my catnip comment from above came to mind. I’m pretty sure we had some… somewhere. I put 2 flakes (think oregano) between my fingers and made a dust that I put in the creases of the pet bed. In the other, I accidentally picked up THREE flakes. 🙂 [“How much of this stuff am I supposed to use? Should I just sprinkle flakes on the bed?”] I went and washed my hands so that I wouldn’t add to the catnip ink smell of the newspapers.
Nightwing walked over, sat near one, decided it smelled kinda nice and s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d his neck out to place his head on the edge. Peanut looks up and “why are you doing that? what’s over there making you do that?!” and walks up to Nightwing’s face. This is a first. He stood intently “I know I usually smack the fool out of you if you get close but I MUST know what’s going on, so I am going to sniff you.” Nightwing was completely chill. After a good sniff the entire length of Nightwing, Peanut’s sniff came to the edge of the pet bed. OH MY GOSH! You’d have thought I soaked the beds in catnip stew!! He was rolling in million dollar bills and carrying on like he’d just won the lottery! Nightwing decided to move his head. “Relax man, if you feel that strongly about it, you can have it.”
After about ten minutes of me NOT cutting coupons because I wanted to make sure Peanut wasn’t going to overdose, on the literal SPECKS of catnip [“WOW! I’m really glad I didn’t sprinkle flakes all over the beds!”], he settled down and just laid on the pet bed. Nightwing stood up and walked over to the other pet bed. This one smelled nice too, he plopped down and rested his head on the edge. Peanut pops up and rushed over to see why Nightwing was so comfortable in THIS bed. As he suspected, it too had been soaked in catnip stew. As he flipped out, I had the sense about me to reach down with both hands, stop him and catch my mug of tea which miraculously spilled only three drops. The math here is ingenious: the mug weight + tea + tipping it exactly to the point of spilling – 1 = tipping just enough to spill 3 drops while holding a stoned cat in your other hand. It’s a VERY GOOD THING that I had the foresight to place my mug next to the wall!
Nightwing left but threw a look over his shoulder, “Dude, you have a real problem, you should have that checked.” After a few minutes, Peanut got up and collapsed in the middle of the living room floor “I need a nap and RIGHT HERE works.” A few minutes later, he bolts to the kitchen “I NEED A SNACK!”
I got very little done before I needed to go make rounds to go pick up all the kids. [ Have I told you the one about having 2 teenage daughters that don’t drive?!? ] Ashley was first and we needed to wait a bit before getting Courtney and then William. Since I had a captive audience, I regaled her with the catnip/petbed story in the making; right up to the “snack” comment.
When we got home, I went and sat in the recliner, looked over and realized, Peanut is NOT sitting in a pet bed, his face VERY CLOSE to the couch, but eyes wide open. I LAUGHED OUT LOUD! Courtney and Ashley both “WHAT?” “Peanut is watching pink elephants on parade on the side of the couch.” Ashley laughed! Courtney is confused. “Why would you say that?” “Because he is. Pink Elephants… Dumbo, you know.” “YES, I know where the pink elephants are from, but Dumbo was drunk, why would you say that about Peanut???!!!” Ashley and I “Because Peanut is stoned!”
Now, I am telling Courtney, the catnip/petbed story from above, right up to the “snack” comment. She gets it now, it’s actually VERY FUNNY to watch Peanut right now. As, I am telling Courtney, Nightwing grabs all my newspapers and acts all crazy with them, like Peanut has been with the petbeds. “I KNOW! They’ve scented the paper with a puppy attractant so people can house train their dogs!!”
[ see all the previous comments I’ve made about Nightwing being a puppy instead of a kitten! http://blog.scottsontherocks.com/blog/2013/12/20/chinese-cough-syrup/ ].
However, I am telling YOU, the catnip/petbed story, right up to the point that I had to tell it to Courtney.
See…. it’s all in the adjectives. I could have just said “Our cat sniffed catnip and he’s NOT sitting in a pet bed.” AND, you would have no idea why I titled this Pink Elephants. Well, you could guess & be correct, because I set it up that way on purpose, but you lose MY imagery that goes with it.
[ Nightwing : http://blog.scottsontherocks.com/blog/2014/01/10/marc-is-here/ ]
[ Peanut: http://blog.scottsontherocks.com/blog/2014/01/06/nightwing-teaches-peanut-to-fetch/ ]
[NOTE 01/27/14: Jeff asked me what I was doing? “Tweaking my pink elephant story.” “What?” A little slower and a little louder., “Tweaking the misspellings on my pink elephant story.” “WHAT?” “The catnip story.” “W-H-A-T?” Now, I’m laughing, “Please tell me I told you about the catnip?!” “Did you sniff catnip?!? Why are you laughing?” Now, I’m hysterically giggling, “OH MY GOSH, you must READ the blog!” “Are you slap-happy? What does catnip have to do with… why… TELL ME WHY YOU ARE LAUGHING?!” “HAHAHA!!! I cant, I need to go find Ashley?” He’s laughing too, “W-H-A-T?” “You must read the blog RIGHT NOW, THEN… add this part to it!”
I had ASSUMED, he 1) knew about the catnip, 2) reads my blog!
I couldn’t stop laughing because THIS makes an excellent anecdote! Ashley (and Courtney) agreed!
I’m debating adding this blog post to “My Cat Story!” ]
